The Doctrine of the First Reformed Church of SpongeBob Squarepants is derived from the Scriptures. One who holds to these doctrines and performs the Conversion Sacrament is a member of the Church, and known as an Absorbant. If these doctrines seem right to you, or at least interesting, you may be ready to follow the YAP way and join the First Reformed Church of SpongeBob Squarepants.
The Church's doctrine is based on several key concepts; YAP, Readyness, the Fundamental Attributes, Sacraments, and Life Strategies. These concepts and consequent doctrine are fleshed out below.
YAP is an acronym for Yellow, Absorbent and Porous. Genesis lists these attributes as "absorbent and yellow and porous," but the Church changes the order to better reflect the sequence of absorbtion of these attributes during study. One will obviously learn about SpogeBob's Yellowness before his Absorbency or Porousity.
· Yellow: the colour yellow has often been connected with the concept of cowardice, or lacking backbone. SpongeBob is an invertebrate, and therefore lacking of backbone, so this interpretation of the colour yellow is appropriate. This lacking of skeletal structure allows SpongeBob to be very flexible, and it is this flexibility that is represented by the concept "Yellow."
· Absorbent: absorbency symbolizes a willingness to "take things in" or be "open" to things. It is the balance of this attribute with it's opposite, Expulsion, that create the balance of nonduality. To focus on one attribute to the exclusion of the other is to be dual. As seen in Genesis, if you absorb without expulsing, you will pop. The path of the Absorbant is to master both attributes as one attribute and in so doing bocome nondual.
· Porous: literally, to be porous is to be full of holes and permeable to fluids. SpongeBob's porousity is an ability to be penetrated, being open to ideas and concepts, focusing on the puropse and idea rather than taking a rigid, fundamental approach.
To be ready is to be prepared, and it is the job of the Absorbant to always be ready. This doctrine stems from The Great Inquiry in Genesis, but is also a common theme in other Scriptures.
Beasides YAP, there are 7 Fundamental Attributes that can be realized by studying the Scriptures. The Absorbant should strive to employ these attributes in their own life.
· Simplicity - SpongeBob knows that simple games are the most fun (see The Book of Wormy)
· Trust - SpongeBob trusts in the basic good of everyone (see The Book of Tea at the Tree Dome)
· Self-Confidence - even though he has failed before, SpongeBob is confident in his ability to successfully succeed (see The Book of Boating School)
· Commitment - SpongeBob is so committed to Opposite Day that he violates his own tenets (see Book of Opposite Day)
· Integrity - SpongeBob's words an actions are in sync, he does what he says he will do (see The Book of Boating School)
· Generosity - When SpongeBob makes money, he has to find ways to "get rid" of it, and ends up givng it all away (see The Book of Patty Hype)
· Tenacity - SpongeBob does not give up, even though he has failed his boating exam 37 or 38 times (see The Book of Boating School)
The Third Testament of the Early Writings contains an appendix that is invaluable to the absorbent's quest for a Spongier, Squarer, Yellower life. Following these Life Strategies can help Absorbents adhere to the YAP way.
1 · Setting Boundaries
2 · Reverence
3 · Self-Esteem
4 · Affirmations
5 · Gratitude
6 · Coping Skills
7 · Compassion