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Absorbant a follower of YAP, or an adherent to the ways of YAP. The phrase "absorbant" is used to suggest that the student is "soaking up" the wisdom that comes from YAP. Also, it's a lot like "absorbent," which is one of the three primary attributes of SpongeBob.

Absorbent the ability to suck up fluid. One of the three primary attributes of SpongeBob, and the "A" in YAP. It symbolizes a willingness to "take things in" or to be "open" to things. One of the nice things about this quality is its opposite, expulsion. Just as SpongeBob is willing to be absorbent, he is just as willing to be expulsive. Both are critical, and they cannot be seperated. The two qualities compliment each other, and are necessary to each other. Just imagine if you did nothing but absorb - you'd pop. Also, if you expel too much, you shrivel. Concentration on any one of these attributes to the exclusion of the other is "dual" and leads to trouble. The path of the Absorbant is to reach mastery of both attributes, to be "nondual;" that is, to master both attributes as ONE attribute.

Captain a painted image of a human being in sea captain garb, with Conan O'Brien-style lip animation. The Captain performs Genesis Theme prior to each broadcast. This is the only time The Captain is seen. He is not God, nor is he a creator or diety. He is an instructor, and an initiator. He prepares us by focusing our mind.

Commitment the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Conduit, Holy the entity which transmits and distributes services.

Decker A member of a fundamentalist denomination of absorbants with fundamentalist tendencies. Deckers tend to take a more literal, exact approach to ordinances and sacraments than the First Reformed Church has chosen. Their name is derived from their insistence that the conversion sacrament, which involves dropping on the "deck and flop(ping) like a fish..." be performed on an actual boat deck.

Expulsive the ability to expel - to force out. It is the opposite attribute of Absorbency, and is necessary for correct application of YAP.

First Great Instruction "Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish," ,as pronounced by the Captain in Genesis. To be performed by an Absorbant if they wish to experience Nautical Nonsense. This is a basic sacrament of The Church.

Generosity a willingness to give, giving liberally. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Great Inquiry "Ready?"

Integrity steadfast adherence to the YAP way and its doctrines. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Nautical Nonsense a spiritual, euphoric, giddy high that can be experienced by performing the First Great Instruction. It's suggested in Genesis that desiring this high and fulfilling the First Great Instruction through the Conversion Sacrament makes one more YAP-like.

Nondual the state of having mastered absorbency and expulsiveness as one attribute.

Obiter dictum an incidental remark or observation. In Latin, literally, a remark said in passing. We use this for analysis of scripture in the Church to remind ourselves of the importance of the scripture and the insignificance of the analysis.

Porous in a strict sense, full of holes and permeable to fluids. One of the three primary attributes of SpongeBob, and the "P" in YAP. However, from The Church's perspective, the issue is more one of an ability to be penetrated, being open to ideas and concepts. Rigidity and dogmatism are the enemies of Porousness. At what point is SpongeBob at his least Porous? When he's all dried up!

PSW (Profit Sempiternal Whirlpool) idea that money must always be accumulated without any evidence that it's put to good use, or, the never-ending drive to aquire riches and then just keep them for yourself. This affliction can be seen as an eternal whirlpool, removing funds from the world, to be socked away by someone and eventually used after they die. The PSW phenomenon is best exemplified by Mr. Krabs and several soulless American corporations. PSW is usually accompanied by nasty side effects, such as physical aliments, mental anguish, and social stigmatisms.

Ready prepared (mentally, physically or both) for some experience or action. A basic tenet of belief in the way of YAP is: it's best to be ready at all times.

Self Confidence to have faith in oneself and one's abilities. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Simplicity both the quality of being simple and uncombined, as well as the absense of showiness or pretense. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Tenacity holding persistently to the doctrine of YAP, not giving up despite numerous failures. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

Trust reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of another person. One of the seven Fundamental Attributes of SpongeBob that contribute to the doctrine of the Church.

YAP a holy acronym for Yellow, Absorbent and Porous. The scripture lists the attributes of SpongeBob Squarepants as "absorbent and yellow and porous," but the Church changed the order of the attributes (around August, 2001) for the purposes of aligning them with the actual sequence experienced by Absorbants as they study the attributes. It was also changed to make a better acronym. That SpongeBob Squarepants is Yellow is obviously noticed and learned before an Absorbant learns about His Absorbency or Porousness.

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