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Conversion Sacrament

∑ About the Sacrament
Performing the Conversion Scarament is one way to tell the world that you are Ready eddy eddy. This is the Scarament that makes one an Absorbant and a member of the First Reformed Church of SpongeBob Squarepants. It is the door to a new life filled with the simplicity and joy that can only come from Nautical Nonsense.

This sacrament has been undisputed in the Church since the beginning of the YAP way. It has never been rejected by any heresy intending to remain on an Absorbent basis. Doubts could arise only about the ways and means of administering it and on its effects and way of operation. These things are therefore in essence what Church documents about Conversion deal with.

The Church teaches: Conversion is a sacrament instituted by the Absorbent One through the words of the Captain. In Genesis, the Captain gives us the First Great Instruction, on which this sacrament is based: "If Nautical Nonsense be something you wish ... Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish." By dropping to the ground and flopping like a fish, the First Great Instruction is fulfilled, and one may be called an Absorbant.

Catechism for the Conversion Sacrament

∑ The Sacrament
The scriptures are very clear on the procedure for entry into the Church. In Genesis the Captain states, "If nautical nonsense be something you wish," followed by, "Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish." If you want to experience the simplicity and joy that is found only in The Church, then you need to perform this sacrament by simply throwing yourself on the ground, flopping around like a fish out of water, and then getting up. You only have to do it for a second - don't hurt yourself.

Simple Pleasures Sacrament

∑ About the Sacrament
This sacrament is taken from the Book of Bubblestand. Its purpose is to help us become more YAP-like by exploring the Fundamental Attribute of Simplicity. The sacrament may be performed literally or symbolically, using flashcards for steps 8 to 13. The other steps should be acted out physically to the best of one's ability. As a sidenote, in some versions of this sacrament, step 6 may be performed twice.

∑ The Sacrament
1. Lean forward on your right foot, with your left leg bent and sticking out slightly behind you.
2. Spin around, STOP!
3. Double take 3 times, counting out loud, one, two, three.
4. Pelvic thrust Wooo! and back again, Wooo!
5. Stop on your right foot, donít forget it!
6. Bring it around the town.
7. Bounce on your bum twice.
8. Make a circle with your body;
9. A zig-zag,
10. A triangle,
11. A donut around your body.
12. Flatten yourself on the floor.
13. Bounce up with only one eye.
14. Then, stand on your left foot and blow a bubble (or pretend to).

Conversion Sacrament
Simple pleasures Sacrament

Other sacraments coming soon!
∑ view the glossary

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