In order to recieve the full benefit of membership in the Church, it is important that you attend services. Services are simply presentations of the Scriptures. Services are conducted anywhere that you have access to the Holy Conduit. Several options are available. You can:
a)check your local listings to see when services are available in your area.
b)rent or purchase copies of services that the Holy Conduit has made available, which convieniently allow an Absorbant to observe services at any time.
To absorb the maximum amount of Nautical Nonsense from a service, it is suggested that you observe the following ritual:
Be Ready · Align yourself with a good view of the television set and turn it on in plenty of time to properly locate the Holy Conduit. It's important that you not be rushed. It's always important that you be ready.
Heart Salutation · When the Holy Conduit announces the service is about to begin, arise and place your hands together, palms touching, fingers pointing upward. Hold your hands immediately in front of your chest, over your heart. Slowly bow at the waist. Once you hear the sounds of Genesis beginning, slowly rise from your bow, and sit in anticipation of the recitation.
Participate in the Recitation · This is done in one of four methods:
1) Sing along, both parts,
2) Call: Sing along, Captain part,
3) Response: Sing along, Kids parts,
If singing, you may wish to avoid uttering the last line, as some Absorbants feel that speaking these Holy words should only be done by the Captain. Also, they're fairly complex, and it's a little embarrassing if you get them wrong. There is some controversy over this; let the Nonsense guide you.
Sit and Prepare · Within moments from the conclusion of the recitation of Genesis, the presentation of study material - usually a Book (see Scripture) will appear. Take notes or use the Study Guide.
Contemplate · After the presentation, turn down the television while commercials are broadcast, and review the questions and statements from the Study Guide. Note your answers to these questions.
Meditate · At the conclusion of the program, retire to a place of quiet where you will not be disturbed. The entire service is an opportunity to use your mind to gain perspective and to think, in order to better follow the YAP way and get closer to the atainment of nonduality.
Conclude · Bring the ritual to a close by hopping up and exclaiming: "I'm ready."
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